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Wondergroup Laboratories International (WLI) recently launched a succession of ten, new, over-the-counter drugs to be sold in the market by September this year. They are as follows:

Labelled as the “wake-up drug”, this immediately wipes off the idea of sleep in your cortex so you don’t have to worry about hearing your boss’ litany on why the early bird catches the worm. Comes in twenty-four different types, each catering to the exact hour you want to wake up.

Feeling like the day’s work seems to be nothing but routine? This drug combats micro-lazy-organisms in the bloodstream to keep you on the go.

To be taken an hour before meeting up with your husband/wife for that after-work dinner. This coordinates your visual association center and your eye to reflect Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie-fantasy-date of yours. This drug is the most promising marriage saver.

Alleviates the aftermath of both petty and grave relationship fights. To be taken after a mouthful of chocs or a handful of fudge brownies to prevent severe gastric side-effects. Projected to be the most sought after over-the-counter drug.

Usually taken before attending huge posh parties, family and school reunions, etc. Prevents any form of embarrassment from one’s inability to recollect names of less significant acquaintances.

Created primarily for females hooked with asshole jocks. This increases the magnitude of a woman’s slap ‘n punch force. Strength becomes directly proportional to the quantity of drug intake. Only drug without Lethal Dosage. Contraindicated for the entire male population as it causes penile psoriasis linked with non-erection.

Ever felt like you needed more time to meet that unreasonable deadline? This drug increases your stress threshold so you can do more.

An eyedrop formulated for those working graveyard shifts. Allows the visual center of the brain to send nerve impulses to negate what is actually seen. Darkness is viewed as daytime, while any form of gleaming light is seen as darkness.

For those who find themselves fidgeting and stuttering on their first dates. Trichlorosmart also boosts your ability to make a fine impression on a date.

Eradicates your silliest fears, i.e., cockroaches, lizards, heights, tarantulas & scorps, ants, monsters ‘neath the bed, and yes… even buttons (I miss you Mozy!!!).

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